Relationships & Collaboration- The Bridges to Inclusion...

A follow-up to our January post on inclusion (click link below to read)...

http://gettingdownwithnate.blogspot.com/2010/01/including-nate.html

This weekend a friend and former colleague and I were talking about issues that are important to us as we head into the new school year. I excitedly shared that our school district will be showing a free screening of the documentary, Including Samuel at our local theater and having presentation by the associate director of the Institute on Disability at UNH (Dr. Mary Schuh) during our opening day district meeting. I talked about how we have been working to create a more inclusive school district. My friend shared that inclusion doesn't always work - and may not always be what is best for a child all the time.

The bottom line is that inclusion is complicated....there are so many pieces to it. In some ways I feel like it's just become this blanket term about students with disabilities being able to learn with their non-disabled peers (that inclusion just happens and students are successful if you do this). Of course we want that for Nate when it works. But how we think about how Nate is included and learning is more than just having him in a classroom alongside of his peers. It's of about how we work together. Also, as we have mentioned before....having Nate participate in all general education programing and classrooms may not always be best for him at times during his schooling. Of course we don't want Nate to be excluded from opportunities with his peers and feel he should always have the choice to participate with his peers -- but we also know that for Nate participating in tenth grade Biology may not be providing him the optimal learning environment for where he is developmentally (then again, Science could be Nate's thing - who knows!). The point is that we don't know where Nate will be in his learning from year to year. More than just seeking inclusion for Nate, we hope that he has the opportunity to work with a team of teachers who are thoughtful, creative, and caring about his school programming. We want to learn and work together with his teachers and specialists to make thoughtful decisions about how Nate participates in school. This collaboration, like a beautifully woven quilt, is what creates a meaningful school experience for Nate. It is what ultimately helps Nate become a productive and included member in his community...

So what makes this collaboration work?

Relationships.

How we work together...How we listen...How we share we share our opinions...How we share our knowledge and expertise...How we respect each other...How we value what each member of his IEP team brings to the table.

The relationships I have with Nate's teachers and the relationships his teachers have with him are just so very important to our work together...

I am not sure Nate would have had the kinds of successes he had last year if it weren't for his amazing teachers and specialists and the time they took to work with us...for Nate.

Yes, relationships and collaboration are the bridges to inclusion....

Here is Nate with his beloved teacher, "Aggy."

Thank you to all of Nate's team ...
You have done so much to help Nate learn and grow
and be included in his classroom community...

2 years ago today...

we welcomed our sweet Bean into our family!


Happy Birthday Nate!!



The night before you arrived...

Born at 7:06 on July 11, 2008...

One!

....And our now two year old!

We love our Daddies...

...Nate with his Daddy

with Grampy...

with Grandpa John..

with his Papi...

and his Papi with me....

So much love!

He ate a whaaa?

A cinnamon raisin bagel.......



and a BLACK.....


BEAN....



QUESADILLA!!


So essentially Nate went from eating 4 foods, to about 8 in a week! We're over the moon! I actually got a little teary when he put the quesadilla in his mouth. Any of you who have dealt with picky eaters who try new foods know the feeling I am sure..

"Look Ma, I can even eat it with no hands!"

Becoming a Momma....

took a very long time for me. I remember when Eric and I started trying to get pregnant. We were so sure that first night of unprotected sex would surely knock me up. We laugh about it now.

It's hard to describe the pain of infertility to those who haven't experienced it. I felt broke...incapable...and end...not enough...and so very alone. I was an outsider to a club I wanted so desperately to be a part of. So many nights I would put my hand to my belly trying to will life out of it. It felt so cruel and unfair to me. I felt like a misfit. Each month I didn't get pregnant I felt myself giving in more to the anger and hopelessness. I secretly cursed my pregnant friends. Although I knew it wasn't their faults (that they had what I wanted), I hated and envied them anyway.And I just couldn't (or wouldn't) accept being childless.....

Four years later, after 8 IUIs, an IVF and subsequent miscarriage, and a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer), I became pregnant with Nate. Although I had taken about 8 pregnancies tests (at least!) I got the official HCG blood test results the day before Thanksgiving. Yes, how perfect is that?

Becoming a momma...and more specifically becoming Nate's momma has been a journey into love.

I still remember the first time Nate really saw me (and not just my boobs!). We were out apple picking and Nate was in the baby bjourn. Eric likes to characterize this time as the beginning of "momma worshipping." That look was full of anticipation...curiosity and vulnerability (Or maybe it was me who felt vulnerable with those eyes locking into mine...)


Over the last two years, we have learned how to communicate with the most subtle of looks or touches....I know all of the ridiculous faces he makes by heart...I know what will make him laugh and that tears won't last as long if I sing My Favorite Things (yes, this is one of Nate's most favorite songs). I feel phantom touches - little fingers pinching my neck - or hands gliding up and down my arm - when we're apart. I know him (as he knows me)...

This love we share is intimate, full of trust, knowing and belonging....

for both of us.

More cheese pizza please!

After his surgery Nate would only eat a handful of things...yogurt, baby cereal, Earth's Best Turkey Dinner, pureed fruit (only in jars), Pirate Booty and Goldfish. AND he hardly had an appetite. It was like we had taken a few steps back again with his eating and we were already feeling behind. There seemed to be so many issues to address with his eating - desire, texture, quantity (for calories), and movement towards some self feeding. Ugh. We felt super stuck and rather depressed about it all. Eric and I kept telling ourselves to keep plugging away with the food we offered Nate. That's all we could do - Right? We were reminded that it sometimes takes 10 tries to get a little one to start eating a new food.

As some of you know, Nate and I took a wonderful trip down to B-more to see my family. We're not exactly sure what magic happened while we were there, but it seemed like Nate changed during that trip. Besides just being in the sweetest mood ever, he was more active, more communicative, and more hungry!! By the time we left, he was eating peas again and a lot more snacks. Whew!

When we came back, everyone seemed to notice something different about Nate (besides his new haircut - hehe). The ENT we saw for his post adenoidectomy follow-up remarked that Nate seemed older. At school, his teachers shared that Nate was signing like crazy and moving around on the floor a lot more - -He could sit and pivot around to get something! Also they were able to get him to eat some regular fruit, English muffin, and waffle. Super exciting.

BUT, Nate still wouldn't try anything for us at home.........

....Well until last Friday........

We were shot from the week and neither us felt like cooking, so Eric threw an Amy's cheese pizza into the oven. After Nate had some pureed peas and a jar of turkey dinner, I decided to offer him a little cheese pizza. Now I should tell you that one of Nate's favorite songs is from a Signing Time DVD. It is the famous Silly Pizza Song. I know some of you will know what song I'm talking about. Since watching those the Signing Time DVDs, Nate has been signing many foods he hasn't tried yet, one of them being cheese. He also was familiar with pizza - and for him, the sign for pizza kinda looked like snake too - a new favorite sign (which also kind of looked like Nate giving us the middle finger too! haha).

Here are both signs:
Pizza (Nate does variation 3): http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-signs/p/pizza.htm
Snake: http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-signs/s/snake.htm

Once I offered Nate one bite of pizza, he asked for more and more and more until he ate an entire piece of pizza! I nearly cried.

So without further adieu --- More cheese pizza please - starring Nate!!

My joy......